I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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