I can text with my tongue
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
