I wish i was in the wii world.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
