i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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