I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
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I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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