I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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