i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
