I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
