I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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