Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
