Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Boobs speak an international language.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
