I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
At least life still wants to fuck me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
