When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She told me I should be a condom model.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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