Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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