some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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