I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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