bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
