yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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