like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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