i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
