I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
