just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So much Jack, so little girl.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
