I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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