yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
