If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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