You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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