He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My life is pants optional.
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