I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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