he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
