Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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