Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
