Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
