ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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