Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
