just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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