Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
