Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
