so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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