I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
