So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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