It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
