I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
