Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
