remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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