I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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