everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
