Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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