Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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