Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
