i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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