i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
