So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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