I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just cropdusted the office
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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