this just has baby written all over it
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
