Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
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