you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
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I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
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I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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