Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
