Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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