Whod you bang
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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