I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
