They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
