we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
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downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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