we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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