so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
