good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
