Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
