so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
