I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across