I am in a vortex of obligation.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.