hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO