You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
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So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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