I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?