the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
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When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job