so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.