Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
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We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
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I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?