Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
