i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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