I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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