You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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