It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
