I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
