i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
