your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
